I am hexing TheKnot.com

In the beginning stages of my engagement (which I can argue I am still very much in), any and all advice is welcomed. And then I discoverd ‘theknot.com.’ I didn’t really discover it; registering on theknot.com was as instinctual to me as a new mother nursing her baby. Here, I would be able to organize, plan, manipulate, calculate, research, find excuses for, and avoid hazards of the biggest day of my life. And so I did…and it started innocently enough.
Then I realized that my type A personality wasn’t even a fit for a mastermind such as this. There were hundreds of women just like me sitting behind computers and coming up with hair-brained schemes to ensure your friends nappy boyfriend didn’t attend, finding the best colors of the season, creatively adding elements to your wedding that didn’t cost a lot of money (ideas that you had already thought of and now felt slightly discredited for), etc. As much as I’ve already tried to make my wedding ‘unique,’ I have decided this is an impossible feat, thanks to theknot.com. I will share one of my newfound ideas with a friend from time to time and the responses are ‘that’s awesome, I think I saw that online somewhere.’
Not only that, but it’s been the source of nearly all of my premarital arguments since touching ground in Texas. When I validate my argument with this site (or, as a ‘friend of mine who’s gotten married’….one of my newer guises for the website), I can feel the tension growing and the credentials going out of the window. See, theknot.com does a fabulous job of doing something I absolutely loathed about my former employer: it has a very tricky way of making everything a priority and harassing you with a shifting sense of urgency at all times. A fabulous quote that translates this into layman’s terms is this: “When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.” Done and Done. Who would have thought that the registry was the first thing you are supposed to do after you get engaged? Or the honeymoon…say…plan that before the wedding? And for gosh sakes, the dress. I guarantee you if I went into the same bridal boutique two months before my wedding with cash in-hand, they would probably find a way to get me that dress without the ‘standard’ 6-8 months cutting/sewing/crafting time.
Each month, on the 24th, I receive a colorful email with terrifying news. ‘Only 8 months until your wedding!’ Oh, thank you, that’s such an exciting reminder…as if for one second I forgot this was all going down. And maybe I would be able to enjoy some of this pre-wedding bliss had you (theknot) not (no pun intended) kept reminding me in the same freaking emails that I was ‘behind on 8 items with 146 items left to go.’ AND, after said timeline indicating which activities should be done by what time, you flirt with disaster. By this, I mean that my wedding dress was supposed to be purchased in the first two months. Check. I’m super anal and follow your guidelines to the T, though you have caused me sleeplessness and angst to get it all done. And then, you have the nerve this month to send me a ‘friendly’ reminder of the days I have left, including ‘all the best spring wedding dress styles!’ Why would I want to look at that now? I have already swiped like you asked me to and seeing just one dress that I might consider superior to the one I bought that won’t be ready for 8 months is an ingenious way to spoil an event.
And I would like to ask you (theknot.com) one question: why is ‘start thinking about your hair-do’ at the top of this month’s to-do list? I have curly hair and my ‘hair-do’ is completely contingent upon the weather. Think ahead about that one a little.
It’s too late to walk away from the site now–I already have my guest-list plugged in, all my honeymoon destinations scoped out, and key vendors logged into it. I even have my webpage linked to the host (www.theknot.com/ourwedding/katelinreddick&bryancortney). But the website reminds me daily that this relationship is no one-night stand. After theknot.com, there is thenestcom…and then thebump.com. Assuming I also live my life in this tidy order, I will try to keep up with your budgeting tips, home-buying tactics, and nursing strategies. God forbid I have a child before we have an actual ‘home.’ I’m not sure if you have articles to address that situation, because all of your followers will eventually become Stepford Wives.
Monday is T-8months…but just in case I forget, will you please send me a reminder?

One thought on “I am hexing TheKnot.com”

  1. That's an awesome post. I would suggest http://www.GetMarried.com. Just a tad less intrusive on people's lives. I would tell you everything will be fine, but it seems things are a tad harried right now. But I'll say it anyway. You'll be fine. Listen to yourself. I believe the phrase is, “to thine own self be true.”


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