Weeks 3 & 4: If You Want to Please Your Man…

“Now Ladies, you need to give your man some good ol’ lovin.’ You know what I mean. And often.”

These were my words of council after tonight’s class, ironically not themed as last weeks class topic on ‘intimacy.’ While last week was an entertaining young couple with a relatively painful story to tell (of which we put together the pieces that there must have been a lot of other partners tainting their past), this weeks couple had been married thirty years and was full of advice you’d expect to hear from a few generations back. In addition to said above advice, we were also lectured in the ways of ‘hot food’ 🙂 This makes me smile…it makes me blip back in time to a 1940’s scene where I’ve got an apron with a rooster on it and am holding onto a fresh cobbler pie, all the while rounding my nine children up to greet their father when he walked through the door–and of course I am a size two with stunning hair.

Speaking of making your man ‘happy,’ I was reflecting on a time really late at night my freshman year of college. I was studying for a biology exam–one that included the males various body parts and reproductive features. In an attempt to remember several facts at once, I would make sentences to pull things together for the group, mostly of comedic origin. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong sentence to describe the necessity for a cooling system down south. I exclaimed something to the nature of ‘if you want to please your man, blow down south.’ This was fatal. You can clearly see where I was going with this…You need a fan to aerate….not a profane act. That part of the memo, however, was clearly lost in my statement. Nonetheless, nobody missed that question.

I thought I’d share just a few tips (for the crowd, of course) we were given last week on how to resist intimate temptations:

1. Stay vertical (they had a kitchy way of saying when men go horizontal…something else goes perpendicular).
2. Go Home (meaning, ‘please get out of my apartment, it’s late.’)
3. Be Accountable (I would venture to say that this blog is a pretty good start..)
4. Watch for Flare-Ups (apparently chick flicks are dangerous we were told…)

I love these classes. I mean, who would ever do this voluntarily? Except maybe us? Maybe this crazy couple who will probably have been through every local training program known to man by the time we walk the marble floor? Hey, all I’ve got to say is I’ve got all my cards out on the table…this boy’s gonna know exactly who he’s marrying!

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